Anecdotes

This Staff Anecdotes section has been created so that we can all share our fondest memories of former workmates.

As you see, we have a few here already. We need more.

Obviously we have to be careful how we go about it; whether we actually identify someone or hint at their identity; depending on the content of the tale. You’ll know what we mean.

It will be a great opportunity for people to remember old workmates and State Bank identities; the heads will be nodding; “yes, I remember that!”

Don’t just talk about this over dinner or in the pub, get the keyboard or pen working and send your stories to Peter Wynd.

It’s Your Money Ralph

Arnold Atkinson, a former senior executive of the SBV gave a talk, entitled “It’s Your Money Ralph“, to the Probus Club of Melbourne. Arnold retired in 1980 as the Deputy General Manager (Finance).

Click here to see a copy of that speech

Brian Donnelly recalls some amusing times during his time in the Bank

South Melbourne Tech

I left form 4 of the South Melbourne Technical School at the end of 1958 and joined the bank at Richmond South in January 1959. It is interesting that four other students left the school that year and all joined the bank, around early 1959, if my memory serves me correct: Brian Francis, Geoff Cameron, Ross Pomeroy, and Gary Whiteside. All would become Managers in the bank.

Memories at Richmond South

In my 1^st year, staff used to play cricket in the banking chamber after work. I can remember Neville Crow hitting a six and breaking one of the ceiling lights, I think it was  Neville. He spent a lot of time the next morning trying to have the light fixed before anyone found out.

Des Rowe who was coaching Richmond at the time had the Vaucluse Hotel across the road from the bank. He would try to get Neville there every lunch time, feeding him huge counter lunches of sausages, eggs & potatoes as he thought Neville was too skinny for VFL football.

The Manager and No 1 teller, at the time Fred Harris, each had separate keys to jointly open the strong room. One morning with about 5 minutes to opening time, all the staff were looking out the window waiting for Fred to arrive. With a few minutes prior to the opening time of the branch, Fred was spotted across the road, still wearing his dinner suit staggering to work. He had been to a ball the night before, so after the boss (I think it was Jim Sharkey) received the keys, Fred was sent home.

On another occasion, there were some renovations taking place in the bank residence upstairs. All of a sudden there was a big crash and a tradesman from upstairs crashed through the ceiling above Des Pearson,  covering him with plaster and debris. All the staff except Des thought that it was funny.

During the same renovations, I arrived at work very early one morning and Fred Harris came down the stairs of the premises with a girl, this is “Rude Liz” he told me, they had stayed there the night before after a party somewhere.

On turning 18, I purchased a Vespa motor scooter. I used to collect Special Savings with Ken Castanelli on the Vespa. I still remember riding down Swan Street with both Fred Harris and Ken Castanelli on the back of the Vespa at the same time. We passed a local cop during our short trip, but he looked the other way.

Another memory of Richmond South was when I had my mother phone the branch one Friday, saying I was too sick to go to work that day. There was a Test Match on at the MCG and I went with a few mates. I was walking out of a bar at the MCG carrying 4 beers when I ran into Fred Vietch who was our District Inspector at the time. He said hello Brian and kept walking.

I was a bit concerned when I went back to work on the following Monday that I would be in trouble for taking a sickie, however, nothing happened.  About a week later, we had an   inspection/cash count at the branch with Fred and his crew of Inspector staff. He came up to me and said, “I see that you have recovered from you illness” and walked away.

Memories at Port Melbourne Branch

When I was working at the Port Melbourne branch, a new Manager, I think it was W A G Hall, came from the country and he was a lawn bowls tragic. He told me that he joined up with the Port Melbourne Bowling Club and was looking forward to playing bowls there. On the Monday after his first Sunday at the bowling club, he told me that he was most upset that members there were more interested in drinking than playing bowls. I explained that at the time, anyone in Port Melbourne who wanted somewhere to drink on a Sunday joined the bowling club as besides the RSL, it was the only place open on Sundays that sold beer.

Another memory of Port Melbourne was there was a mid -week cricket competition on Wednesdays with sides from the Fire Brigade, Police Force, Waterside Workers and Wodruffs Dairies etc. Jack Woodruff who owned the dairy happened to be the Lord Mayor of Port Melbourne and had a lot of influence in the area. This competition was very strong, and the standard was up with Sub -district cricket, there were a lot of ex Test, Victorian & current Victorian, District & Sub District players who played in the comp. Woodruff Dairies had Colin Mc Donald (Test) Harold Shillinglaw & Peter Bedford (Vic) etc. playing for them.

When I was opening the bowling for the Port Melbourne Sub District side, if Woodruff Dairies were fielding in this mid-week comp, Jack would contact Mr Hall and ask if I could come and play so I could open the bowling for them. Because of Woodruffs influence in Port Melbourne, Mr Hall allowed me to leave work. It is hard to believe that this would happen today. If the Dairy were batting, they were not interested as I used to bat last.

Another memory at Port Melbourne was when I asked a female staff member to go out with me one Friday night. I took her to a local pub, The Station Hotel which was made famous by Fred Cook a few years later. We ordered hamburgers & beers in the lounge. After about 2 minutes into our meal, a guy walked up to us and said, “you had better leave now” when I questioned what this was about, he told me to “get lost in a hurry if you know what was good for you”.

We decided to leave without knowing what was going on. The next morning in the Sun & News media it was reported that a Molotov cocktail was thrown through the window of the Station Hotel Lounge about 30 minutes after we had left. Evidently, earlier in the day a few people were thrown out of the hotel for fighting and were after some revenge against the publican. I don’t think my date was too impressed with my choice of venue.

Memories at South Melbourne Branch

I can remember Lay Chun was a teller and he was also doing the cleaning at the branch. During the day he would be running around the branch sweeping and emptying rubbish bins etc. so he would not have to do too much after work.

When I was the deposit teller, and Bill Manson was the payment teller, the system at South Melbourne was the deposit teller collected money boxes and the payment teller collected SEC bills. The arguments we used to have when a customer came to one of us with an SEC bill to be paid with contents of a money box would have been frustrating for the Accountants & Boss.

Another time with Bill Manson, who used to walk around the bank eating his sandwiches, Alan Black, one of the accountants, filled Bill’s sandwiches with rubber bands. Bill was not too impressed.

Fishing with Patto

I have been fishing at Wonboyn about 25ks south of Eden for the past 40 years. Around 1986, I went there with Geoff Patterson. To save the cost of hiring a cabin, we decided to sleep in our cars.

After fishing out in the lake at Wonboyn, we were tying up the boat at the pier and going back to have some lunch when we noticed a couple of young kids hanging around on the jetty. As there was a fair walk back to the camping ground, we did not want to carry rods and gear back with us so we told the kids to piss off.

We had a long night previously, so when we returned to the camping ground we decided to sleep in our cars for a while and continue fishing later. A few hours later I was woken up by police banging on the windows of my car. Evidently one of the kids was missing and his father who was a VIP in some Consulate Office had called the police. The other kid told the police that we had threatened them a few hours ago down at the boat ramp. It was a bit scary at the time as Geoff and I were treated as prime suspects, placed in a police van and driven all around the lake and surrounding bush areas for a few hours searching. There were around 20 police and 20 SES staff looking for the boy.

About 2 hours later, the missing kid was found, he had hopped into another vacant boat and fell asleep. This was a major item on the news at Eden that night. Another time with Geoff when we were camping at Wonboyn, we went fishing outside at Eden when Geoff thought that he had hooked a giant Tuna or Marlin on a lure. After a long struggle we found that a  pelican had dived under the water and grabbed the lure. It took a long time and a lot of hard work to unhook the pelican.

Overseas Department

I was transferred to the old Overseas Department around 1977/78.

At the time there were major works going on in the development of the new State Bank Centre (Cnr Elizabeth & Bourke Sts). The Overseas Department was located in Hothlyn House in Collins Street. When I started there, I did not know any of the staff, so it was hard to ask where you went for a drink at lunch time. I noticed that many State Bank staff used to shop at the Brashs/Allans shop across the road in Collins Street. Out of curiosity, I went in one day and found out why; there was a back door in the shop which went out into a lane and if you walked down the lane, you ran into the Royal Arcade Hotel.

The Grosvenor Tavern became the lunch time meeting place of SSB Overseas staff during lunch time who worked at Hothlyn House and continued after State Bank Centre was completed.

Bruce Wallace recalls his time in the Bank

I started as a 16 year old at St Vincents Hospital Branch with all those beautiful nurses when they used to wear those starched uniforms. Unfortunately, they were all slightly older. The Bank should not have any single young men to that Branch in their first couple of years.

My next branch was at Carlton with John Lindsay`s father, Ken Lindsay in the role of Manager. One Saturday morning after closing the Branch, Ken Lindsay was straight out the door and onto the bus to Flinders Street Station to catch a train. As we were all leaving I asked “Has Mal Magill already left?” Nobody knew. I jokingly replied that “Perhaps he is locked in the Strongroom.” So I went over to the closed Strongroom door and yelled “Are you in there Mal?” and surprisingly  a voice answered yes. Immediately Ian Morton jumped into his MG and chased the bus to the City. Sometime later Ken Lindsay who was not happy with the idea of turning up late for his Bowls, returned to open the Strongroom door and asked why he did not yell at the time, Mal replied “That he thought someone was playing a joke as occasionally was done with the Strongroom door.”

My next branch was Carlton North with Fred Cutler as the Officer Grade H. The branch had one of those old clocks on the wall that required you to put a key through a small hole at the bottom of the glass front. Richard Douthat and I were handling the gun in the tellers cage, when Fred came around from the back office and told us to be very careful in handling the gun. A few minutes later Richard blew up a brown paper bag and popped it loudly with his hand. Fred came racing around and yelled at us ” I told you two to be careful with that gun.’ This was followed up very quickly by our astute junior clerk, Santo Libroaperto,” Look Mr Cutler they shot the bullet straight through the clock face!”

M next branch was Preston with a demoted Manager brought back to clerk status who had been caught by a Bank Inspector having it off with the cleaning lady in the Branch. He was aptly named Wall Prictor!  At our Christmas party Merv Benton was invited to join us. Our teller, Viv Francis, decided to bring his guitar and do an audition for Merv. After listening to Viv trying to sing, I think I know the reason he did not go any further with that career!

On decimal conversion day, I was transferred to Elizabeth St branch, with too many incidents to tell. I think the names of some of the staff members will suggest, many of the stories that happened, Steve Jackson, Lay Chun, Scottie McPherson, Alan Trigear, Rags Fowler, Sue Brooks, etc. Playing cricket in the Butchers Lane records long room, the Elizabeth St floods, the missing gun, GMH and Melbourne Teachers College regular expeditions of sitting on our cash tins in the back of the armoured trucks, the basement strongroom shenanigans, the tellers long line of hitting their date stamp on their pad alerting other male staff as a good looking female walked through the branch, the daily high called games of 500 in the Elizabeth St cafeteria, etc etc, along with many other memories, all contributing our wonderful times that we all enjoyed in the Bank.

Julian Moylan – Anecdotes from the lunchroom – 005 Swanston Street

Who remembers the old Champion House in Swanston Street and were you aware of the history of the building?

005-45 Swanston St., branch was located on the ground floor with the entrance on the corner of Flinders Lane. The branch had an “L” shaped Banking chamber with a mezzanine floor and a large basement for the strong room and lunch room.

Around 1970 I was transferred to 005 and one of the first things I noticed was the daylight coming into the basement lunch room, via the opaque glass panels in the footpath of Flinders Lane. As pedestrians walked above the staff were playing 500 below at the lunch tables.

However, in the south east corner of the room, directly below the front door, was an even more astonishing sight. A grill door similar, to that outside branch strong rooms, leading to a passageway which disappeared into darkness under Swanston St.,

In order to satisfy my curiosity I made some enquiries among my colleagues, however no one could come up with a definite reason for the existence of the tunnel. Later the same evening I mentioned it to my father and he said that prior to the building of the City Square ,that area was the site of the Cathedral Hotel and the tunnel was used to roll beer barrels from the Cathedral Hotel to the Champion Hotel. He apparently used to drink at both hotels in his younger days when he commenced working in the city in 1918.

It was not until 1923 that the Bank purchased the building and opened the branch. Is it no wonder that the staff at 005 were always a thirsty bunch!

Julian Moylan – Anecdotes from the lunchroom – 001 Elizabeth Street

Years ago, when working at 001-SBC branch I was quietly reading the paper and eating lunch, when I overheard a conversation amongst some girls and Frank Fitzgerald, our Branch Staff Officer.

The girls had been discussing their respective fathers’ occupations and they asked Frank what his father did for a living. He replied that he owned a Knackery. Some, or maybe all, of the girls were not too sure what that meant so Frank explained to them about race horses that had been put down and his father was called to go and pick them up etc.

With this explanation the conversation was about to move on but Frank added an aside, which immediately had my attention.

He mentioned that the strangest call his father ever had was from the Police requesting him to go out to Strathmore and pick up an Elephant.

His first thought was that someone was pulling his leg. But realizing it was not April Fool’s day (actually October 1961) he proceeded to Strathmore.

Sure enough there was an 18 year old elephant named Topsy dead on the railway line a few hundred yards from the Strathmore station. Towering over the elephant was a “Red Rattler” on its way from Broadmeadows to Flinders St.,

Now Topsy was from Bullen’s Circus which had set up camp on the Cross Keys Reserve in Woodland St., which was directly over the road from my house.

On this particular day my brothers and I had come home from school and then gone over to have a look at the circus. Naturally we let the family dog, General Smuts, tag along as well. However, he was soon causing trouble with the horses which were tied up. He was running under their legs and causing quite a stir, so we took him back home and locked him up.

After dinner we were off to see the evening performance with strict instructions from our father not to let the dog out!!

Well in the dark and in our haste we did not notice but he got out anyway. A decision that General Smuts was going to live to regret very shortly.

The show went well and all was fine until the grand parade. When Topsy was about to exit via the main entrance General Smuts made his appearance and startled the poor elephant by running under his feet. This caused Topsy to bolt out of the Big Top and race across the reserve, across Pascoe Vale Rd and on to the railway line. He continued running up towards Broadmeadows and unfortunately met the train coming the other way. The Police had to shoot her as she was not killed outright.

Whilst the crowd was somewhat distracted by the events taking place on the train track, my elder brother had the presence of mind to catch the dog and go straight home. Needless to say our father was not impressed when he heard the news. As he worked in the Legal profession his first thought was probably that a Law suit would be on the way. With that in mind General Smut’s future was quickly determined and by morning he was noticeable by his absence.

We never heard what happened to him as it was not a topic for discussion, but we were well aware the Moonee Ponds creek was close by.

This chat at lunch time took place 20 years or more after the event but it highlights the old adage “It is a small world”

In remembering it today it also brings back memories of the late Frank Fitzgerald who I found to be a fine fellow and a thorough gentleman, particularly since he agreed not to pass on these details to Bullen’s circus management, in the event the Statute of Limitations had not expired.

Quote Attributed to Ray Bonner

30 days hath April, June, September and no wonder, all the rest have 31 except Grandma , she rides a bike.

Relieving Staff; Ken Castanelli recalls relieving at Corryong

In October 1965 I ventured to Corryong to relieve Tom Crothers for three weeks.

Corryong is situated some 380 kilometres from Melbourne in north east Victoria. With a population of around one thousand, the town is surrounded by hills, set amid lush green countryside, is the gateway to the Snowy Hydro Power Station and the resting place of “The Man from Snowy River”.

Our branch, a two-man affair, was at the top end of town on a corner block, with a separate three-bedroom residence at the rear. Ralph Rowan was the manager. Ralph and his wife Betty and their two young daughters occupied the fairly new country branch and residence.

Sometimes when Betty went shopping their four-year-old daughter would join us in the branch. She would plonk herself on the foot rail beneath the tellers desk and whilst you were serving customers she would be untying your shoes laces. Ralph was very popular with the towns people and often enjoyed a beer at either of the town’s two watering holes. He had conjured this arrangement with Betty, that after visiting one pub one day, then he was obliged to visit the other pub the next day. Something about good public relations said Ralph.

I boarded at Eric Mugeli’s hotel/motel also situated at the top end of town. Eric’s son Barry played a few games with Collingwood in the 1960s. Six o’clock closing was still the go at the time and the pub was a popular venue for hosting dinners for the local clubs and various employee groups. On these occasions you were sometimes called on to wait on tables and help clean up in the kitchen afterwards. Often you ate meals with the family, or depending on what was happening at the time, helped yourself to whatever was available in the kitchen.

On Sundays, Ansett had a regular flight from Melbourne to Corryong, whereby the crew stayed overnight at the hotel. On these occasions you found yourself involved in a card game lasting well into the early hours of Monday morning.

One Friday a bloke flew into town in his little four-seater Cessna. I caught up with him at breakfast the next day where he offered to take me up on a sightseeing flight over the Snowy Mountains that afternoon. He also agreed that Ralph could join us if he wished. Ralph quickly cancelled himself out from his golf and bowls. The day was a glorious spring day, with clear blue skies in complete contrast to the white snow and colorful red rooftops on the ground below. Not to mention the sight of lake Eucumbene in all its glory. On returning, Ralph pointed out the bowls club below. Our pilot responded by sweeping low over the club rooms a few times before landing.

The next week a front-page article appeared in the local paper referring to the stupid antics by a pilot on Saturday afternoon swooping low over the town’s bowling club. Of course, it soon became common knowledge that one of the passengers was none other than the local bank manager. Naturally Betty was not overly impressed.

On another weekend Ralph and I were part of a fishing expedition to Tantangara Dam (known as the fisherman’s playground). The two-day trip was organised by Jack Hobbs, a local business man. Jack ran either the hardware store or local supermarket or both. As a city slicker, with very little success with fishing off the Frankston pier, I was in awe of the many brown and rainbow trout that were taken.

During my stay the District Manager Jack Rush visited the branch. Later on, I was surprised to hear from the publican that he had called into the hotel to inquire as to how the relieving fellow from the State Savings Bank was behaving himself. The publican told me he was used to this sort of thing and was always prepared for the “constabulary” as he called them.

When catching up with Ralph years later we would reminisce about my trip to Corryong.

I spent seven years on the relieving staff as a young single bloke and thanks to Dasher Jeffery and John Hicks enjoyed immensely my many country trips.

The Relieving Staff Christmas Party

• • After another big night at The Relieving Staff Christmas party, Watto stopped his car at the Ormond railway gates on North Road. He woke up some time later to find the gates still closed. He was stopped in front of the picket fence at the side of the crossing.

• • A very well known identity, sometimes known as “Noddy”, had been to the Relieving Staff Christmas party. As he was prone to nod off on the way home, he insisted that he’d stand in spite of the carriage being almost empty. His fellow traveler reported that he was asleep before they reached Richmond.

• Another well known and popular Bank identity, known for his sharp wit and ability to get into and out of difficult situations, parked his car at Carnegie station and caught the train into the Christmas party at South Yarra. He later caught the train home and woke up at Dandenong. The next year he parked at Dandenong so had that possibility covered. He woke up at Frankston.
• 

Murray Anderson recalls the Elizabeth Street Floods

I’ve forgotten the date it occurred, but I had just finished on early shift in Elizabeth Street and had taken the cash tin down to the strong room. On coming back up the banking chamber I noticed it had started to rain quite heavily, and not wanting to get wet decided to wait it out. The rain, however, had different ideas and got heavier and heavier by the minute, reaching torrential levels the likes of which I had never experienced.

Very quickly the gutters were overflowing and then Elizabeth Street itself started flooding. As the volume of water increased, cars that were parked outside the bank were pushed back a considerable distance, and through the force of water one or two ended up on the footpath. Then a Volkswagen sedan was trying to make its way against the flow of water which was heading towards Flinders Street, got as far as the bank, was picked up by the water and was last seen heading back down Flinders Street closely followed by a park bench travelling at speed towards the Volksy.

While all this was happening the lights in the 001 banking chamber started going out quite freely which, if I remember correctly stopped any further work activity at 001.

No one was able to get to Flinders Street Station for some time and when we did the subway access was completely flooded, leaving no option but to “retire” to the London Hotel and wait for any news re transport home. Needless to say, a few of us were in trouble when we eventually made it home and totally not believed when the reason for our lateness was revealed.

Alan (Wizza) Guy

In early 2016 Alan (Wizza) Guy was nominated for an OAM. This was after he had
developed his final illness. Unfortunately the submission was not successful. Click here to read the submission.

Ian Reade remembers Ned (John) Kelly

Ned was in the market to purchase a car, he had walked passed a car yard several times looking at a car in the front. Weekend came so he returned and went in. Car was gone.  Car salesman explained it had been sold yesterday. Ned said bugger, looked around, pointed at a car in the corner and said alright I will take that one.

Not sure if it was that car, but Ned was driving to footy training down King Street in the city. Stopped at a red light, light turned green, he put the car in gear, put his foot down and reversed straight into the car behind him. After exchanging details etc. Ned got back in to his car and waited for green light. Light changed and Ned went through same procedure again.  Put the car in reverse again and crashed in to car behind for second time.

Again not sure if it was same car, but we were playing Geelong at Geelong and Ned was driving couple of team mates down (silly buggers.) I think Casta was one of them.

About 15 minutes before game was to start they arrived standing up in the back of a Tatty old Market garden truck.

About Werribee, Ned’s car’s water boiled and water spewed all over windscreen. Ned turned wind screen wipers on and kept driving, but not for long,

Market garden bloke saw their predicament and drove them to the ground.

The following are some that Tom Shanley has entertained us with, and many more, at our lunches:

Lay Chun South Melbourne Branch 1960’s – Buckley and Nunn had a Shoe Sale advertised in the Sun and as Lay had an account with them he was quickly onto this. He rang them and ordered a pair to be delivered to the State Savings Bank South Melbourne. The delivery duly arrived while Lay was out collecting Special Savings. Brian Ganster had an old pair of shoes in his locker which he wore when his corns were playing up, so I opened the parcel and switched the shoes and neatly re-wrapped the package. When Lay returned to the office, I told him a parcel had been delivered for him. “That be my new shoe” said he, (He didn’t use plural words). He opened the parcel and raced straight to the phone and called Buckley’s.” What the bloody hell you doing” he said, “I order new shoe and you send me old shoe”. “There must be some mistake “said they. “We’ll send our man back to sort it out.” In the meantime, I managed to switch the shoes again. The Buckley’s man arrived and opened the parcel to disclose the new shoes. Lay exclaimed “some bastard playing joke on me”.

 Peter Telfer, Relieving Staff. Country town. 6 o’clock closing, 1950’s – Peter was drinking in a country pub after hours when he had a premonition that the police flying squad had arrived, so he raced upstairs, went into a bedroom and climbed into bed. The cops duly came into the room and pulled back the blanket. “Do you usually go to bed in your suit and shoes and socks” they asked. “It is one of my idiosyncrasies” he replied.

Barney Woods, Manager at Coburg – Also, you may have heard of Barney Woods who was Manager at Coburg in the 1950’s. He was famous for his exacting interpretation of the Instruction Book For, example the Instruction Book stated that when processing a payment, the signature on the withdrawal form had to be carefully compared with that in the register. Barney did this religiously when his wife was withdrawing money. If she signed M.J. and the signature in the register was Mary J, he would go back into the residence and get her to sign again. Jack Ryan was on the staff at Coburg for some years and would regularly take the Mickey out of Barney. I am sure he would have many stories about Barney.

Barry Gust recalls this story:

A well known and long serving member of the relieving staff was part way through a relief at a branch in the far west of Victoria .  After leaving the branch on a Friday , he headed in an easterly direction to spend the weekend in a bigger country town. It was summer, very hot with windows down as he tossed the already perused day’s newspaper out the passenger side window whilst driving.

On reaching his destination and looking for the bank keys on the passenger seat he realized what had happened, with feelings of dread concerning the explanations to the bank hierarchy!

Heading back many kilometers in the direction he had recently travelled, with eyes searching paddocks for any sign of newspaper , he finally spotted paper roughly in the area he  favoured and could not believe his luck when the missing keys were there as well.  Talk about the luck of the devil!! 

Wayne Sinclair recalls a party at his flat in Hawthorn:

Readie was sitting on a bank stool that I had acquired, holding his beer and telling a story, when he fell asleep mid sentence. He stayed in the exact position for about an hour. He then awoke, continuing his story just where he had left off.   Not a drop of beer was spilled.

Terry Martin recalls a strange bank robbery at his branch and provides the following clipping from the Herald to back it up:

In May 1981 I was the Accountant at Wattle Park Branch. Late in the day we were the victims of an armed robbery. What is unique about this robbery is that the stolen funds (less about $300) were returned to Bank with a letter of apology. They were put through the front door of 31 Bourke Street East Branch.

 People sometimes give me disbelieving looks when I tell the story. But I have the proof.

I cut out the report from the front page of the Melbourne Herald dated 26/5/81, and I still have it.

 No one was ever charged, so we do not know the full story behind it.

Peter Wynd recalls a few tales of his bank colleagues:

A well known Bank identity had been at a “do” in the city and was driving home along Dandenong Road, where he stopped to relieve himself behind a tree. When he’d finished he saw his tram approaching. He thought “how lucky’s that” and got on.

Next morning he found his car missing so reported its theft to the police.

Later that morning he received a phone call from the police advising him that they’d found it – where he’d left it

Ian Reade – Peter offered to sell Readie a raffle ticket, with one of the prizes being a print of the beloved Essendon F.C. change rooms with all of the legends in it. Quick as a flash he retorted “Will they all fit?”

Ian Reade – Readie and Peter Wynd were taking some interstate guests for a Sunday drive to The Mornington Peninsular back in the early 70’s. In those days the Nepean Highway from Mordialloc to Frankston, oddly had many sections with three lanes.

One of our friends asked what the middle lane was for. As quick as a flash Readie said “head-ons”.

Ian Reade – In the early 90’s several of Readie, Peter and a few friends were enjoying a dinner at a pub in North Melbourne. They ordered another bottle of white, which of course they didn’t need. It was off. There were several comments to that affect around the table but Readie’s topped them all – “I want to know how they got the cat to sit on the bottle”.

Steve Roberts – At Stork’s Farewell last year, his two girls Katie and Laura revealed that, when they were very young, he’d told them that the names that they had were only until they were 10, after that they had to choose their own names. Both were very unhappy as they liked the names that they had; Just one of Stork’s many cleaver tricks! Don’t mention Harry Climber!

Bankcards Department – In the early days of Bankcards, businesses would sometimes be referred to Bankcards Dept if a customer’s purchase was declined for some reason. Over-limits would be “handed off” to Credit Dept, and delinquencies would go to Collections.

One Credit Dept colleague, recalls his conversation with a male customer who had his purchase declined because his account was over its limit. The customer couldn’t understand it as he’d only used the card occasionally.

The staff member could see that there were two cards on the account. He politely asked the embarrassed customer if there is another card on the account. There was a short silence, then the customer said “right, she’s dead”.

Julian Moylan tells us of a prank ten years in the making:

For many years Peter (Dobie) Willis was a well known and popular figure in the Bank football and cricket clubs. Perhaps it could be said of him, he did not take himself or life to seriously.

In the mid seventies he was working at 005-45 Swanston Street branch.

One afternoon on late shift Dobie and I were approached by Manny the bank messenger. Manny had found a beautiful leather bound book of Australian history which a customer had left behind.

Whist we were flicking through the pages admiring the book our senior accountant, Ian(Ashy)Ashman came over and asked “what are you three up to, have you no work to do!”

Since the book appeared rather expensive Ashy suggested we wrap it in brown paper and he would lock it away in his Accountant’s cupboard, rather than throw it in with other lost property.

This was duly done and Ashy advised us that if the book ever went missing he would know who to come to for an explanation.

Some months or even more went by without anyone claiming the book and it remained locked securely in the Accountant’s cupboard under his eagle eye.

However one day he noticed that the brown paper was torn and he could see the colour pink underneath. Upon investigation he discovered the book was missing and in its place was a stack of schedules the Refer Clerk used to record the “stops and alerts”

Subsequently Dobie and I were marched into the Manager’s office (Bob McEwan) and were interrogated by Mr McEwan and Ashy.

Both Dobie and I assured them we had not stolen the book and were sent from the office with somewhat of a cloud over our heads. To make matters worse as we were walking to the door Dobie said to me “you best get the book off the bookshelves at home“. Mr McEwan immediately called us back and grilled us again. He finally accepted Dobie’s explanation that he was only joking, but then came a berating that this matter was not to be treated lightly.

Time marched on, Mr McEwan retired, Ashy, Dobie and I were all promoted to other branches and the whereabouts of the book was long forgotten.

However in 1985 I found myself back at 005 in the position of Senior Accountant. Sometime later we had a spring clean in the strongroom, all shelves and cupboards were tidied up in the process. A young staff member came to me with a brown paper parcel in their hand and said they had found it secreted away at the back of a little used cupboard in the far corner of the strong room.

My memory came back instantly and I immediately rang Dobie. When he answered the phone and recognised me his first comment was “you found it”

We both had a laugh about it but were sorry that we could not share the outcome with both Ashy and Mr. McEwan as they were deceased.

It may have been ten years but Dobie got his laugh!

In respect for Mr. McEwan and Ian Ashman the book was left locked in the Accountant’s cupboard.

As an aside I later ran into to Dobie after he left the Bank. At the time I was an Area Manager for the CBA and was at Whittlesea branch on a visit with the Manager, Gary Tunnecliffe, another cricket club team mate. He said you passed Dobie Willis on the way here today ,he is in the Whittlesea cemetery….working for the Cemetery Trust. So on my return I called in and found him in good spirits and enjoying life after the Bank. Subsequent to that visit I would pop in from time to time and he later said he was selling up and moving to Queensland.

A funnier man you would never meet. One of the Bank’s great characters.

Tiny Ellis – Eulogy by Ian Reade at Tiny Ellis” funeral.

I met Tiny at Olympic Park which is where the Bank’s footy side trained in 1957. After a couple of nights I was told to join in on a drink after training.

The venue was Checker Hughes pub about 1 km from the ground and as the coach finished training about 5.30 so that, he thought, you couldn’t get to the pub before 6 0 clock closing. He was wrong but you had to move quickly. Only the fastest and fittest made it.

My first time I thought I was in the leading group going in to the pub, but there was Tiny at the bar shoes undone, probably only one leg in his trousers, shirt half on, jock strap around his neck and on his third pot. I had met Tiny!

It didn’t take long before I realized that he could play a bit, he was a beautiful high mark, the best in the comp (A grade), and he knew how to palm the ball. I won’t talk about his kicking but he did kick a few out of bounds from the goal square. He was a left footer!

He won the B & F, gained interstate selection and was invited to train with Melbourne next year.

He kicked 4 goals in a practice game, but they advised him he was too old; any way I couldn’t imagine him hitting it off with Norm Smith. They had different ideas about training and the M C G was further away from Checker Hughes pub.

One of Tiny’s attributes was that he could sing, once he almost got me killed and once he might have saved my life.

After playing footy on Saturday, if it was a hot day we might have a couple of beers

A few of us were in, I think, The Domain Hotel in St Kilda Road; it’s gone now. They had a floor show upstairs with a band and a beautiful girl singer. It must have been a very hot day because we were still there at half past.

Some time in the night I don’t know how but Tiny took over the microphone from the girl singer and he sang “Too young”

He got as much applause as the girl singer and after a quick chat with the band came back to his seat and suggested that I should go up and chat up the young lady, which I did.

Tiny told me later he knew she was married to the Gorilla playing the piano. I got back in through the back door.

It was years later, this century even, and we had met for lunch in a pub in Oakleigh aptly called the blood house.

We had been there a while when 4 or 5 rough looking buggers walked in, they looked like Garbo s or slaughter men just knocked off work.

They kept staring at us and were obviously talking about us and seemed to take exception to us being in their pub dressed as we were, clean clothes and teeth, one of them with very heavy Irish accent was really menacing.

Tiny and the Irishman were up at the bar at the same time and Voices were raised and a bit of pointing going on so I turned around to plan my escape route, turned back and Tiny had his hands on the Irishman’s shoulders. I thought good he is going to strangle the bastard. He didn’t; he started singing “Galway Bay”. The Irishman joined in and over the next hour, arms around each other they sang every Irish song ever written and a few that were never written. We forgot lunch!

Probably more than anything else Tiny will be remembered for his personality and humour.

He was the funniest bugger I have known. He didn’t have to tell jokes; he was just funny with quick retorts and repartee. He could make something funny that wasn’t.

He could see the humorous side of any subject in any company. Be in the same room for 2 minutes and he would have the tears running down your legs.

A lot of people are going to miss him.

The Great Elizabeth Street flood 1972

 Many people have various recollections of the afternoon when Elizabeth St flooded. The most regular stories come from the group of State Bankers having a knock off drink in The London.

 It soon became apparent that something odd was happening outside the hotel; the street was awash, with water almost covering some cars, and a Volkswagen floating southward. Those inside were marooned, and looked like being so for some time – much to their disappointment. Trains and trams were halted.

 As legend has it, the slightly effeminate barman, Herbie, was running around excitedly calling out “throw me a buoy, throw me a buoy”.

 Another prominent story centres on a well known regular at knock off drinks who was to go out to dinner and a show with his wife and some friends that night. He rang his wife from the pub phone to say that he couldn’t get home as the street was flooded. In no uncertain terms she strongly expressed her disbelief in his story, and fair enough, the rain hadn’t reached Caulfield at that time.

 When they were finally able to escape the pub, this gentleman and a friend squelched up Bourke St to meet their wives for dinner and a show. They were in no condition for either.

Neil Cowie recalls an incident during the flood of 1972

Following on from the floods in 1972 I was working at Central branch. The water was pouring down Little Bourke Street and a man tried to cross at the corner of Swanston Street. He was swept under a car wheel and three men formed a human chain from the E. S. & A doorway to drag him from under the car as he could have drowned. The branch was also inundated with water going through the branch down the stairs into the strongroom with a fair bit of cleaning up required.

Neil Cowie – Central Branch

Another incident at Central was when an Asian man entered the branch and tried to cash a cheque payable to CUB and drawn by a local hotel. The hotel was contacted and they asked us to try and delay the transaction. The Bloke got nervous and left the branch so I was asked to follow him. As I left the branch the police with the hotel owners were across the street, The bloke broke into a run and I followed with the police. It would have been quite a sight with the bloke running, I was  running after him with the police following me. He was eventually caught by the police and brought back to the branch to be interviewed. It turned out that he worked at the hotel and had found the cheque on the floor. He was an illegal immigrant and we were informed he was deported.

Tony Power – 019 Treasury Place

In the late 1960s, while attached to the 019-Treasury Place branch, we had a staff of just three, including the manager Steve Mason.

It was in this branch we encountered a wide cross section of customers, including public servants and politicians. There was even the odd political wife among the daily throng.

One of these revered customers was the esteemed “ Lady Bolte”, then-wife of Premier Sir Henry Bolte.

Lady Bolte had a number 1 savings account while her husband administered the number 1 cheque account.

Such was her place in society that Lady Bolte managed to do her banking before opening hours. Her requests were always accommodated, and she was always attended by the highest-ranking available staff member.

But then came the day that Steve Mason was on annual leave and Syd Fyffe was the relieving manager.

Syd arrived to work one morning and decided on a leisurely start to the day.

In a ritual reminiscent of a typical public servant, he opened his newspaper on arrival and settled in for an egg and lettuce sandwich. I told him to be careful as Lady Bolte was prone to turn up without warning.

Syd was nonplussed, but gestured gruffly, swatting the warning away as swiftly as he would an errant fly.

Moments later, there she was.

Lady Bolte, standing at the front door. Opening the door I invited her inside and spoke in a tone loud enough for Sydto understand the gravity of the situation.

Ushering her inside to the manager’s office, I hoped my girth would prevent her spying the contents of Syd’s desk – including a half chewed egg and lettuce delight.

Twigging that this was the real deal, Syd’s eyes bulged, bigger than Marty Feldman’s and resembling fractured jaffas.

With one swift stroke from a cupped left arm, Syd confidently removed the table contents before standing to attention for a formal introduction.

Ignoring the remnants of Syd’s morning breakfast strewn across the floor, charming Lady Bolte chatted for some minutes before her transactions were completed.

Then, Syd gallantly escorted her to the front door.

On his return to the area behind the front counter I said, ‘How did you fire Syd?’

His response was simple: ‘you bastard’. He always did have a good sense of humour.

Turns out the pair were neighbors. Lady Bolte had an apartment in St Kilda Road and Syd a residence in South Melbourne.

The moral of the story?  Always listen to the people on the front line. Like lift drivers, they know what’s going on.

Neil Williams; My State Bank Story

Neil tells us about his experiences and people he’s met in the bank through his career in branches, Marketing Department and Printing and Stationery. Neil’s story goes over several pages so we’ve put it up as a link. Click here to read Neil’s story.